Cheerios

This just seems like kinda giving up on life to me. I can imagine it now. The day comes when you just can't take anymore of the harassment and agree to get married. You move in together and down come your FHM wall calendars, replaced by pictures of unicorns or whatever girls like. You come home early from work in time to watch the game but no, she's got her friends round to watch Ellen DeGeneres out-takes. Just as you think things can't get any worse your Froot Loops are replaced by Cheerios. the last little bit of color in your life, substituted by mediocrity. The love heart bowl is almost enough to make me saw off my arms. There's no putting a ring on when you have nubs for arms.

0 stars.

Bouchees D'Avoine Au Miel

I picked up this little beauty in a small supermarket in Montreal, nestled between a strip club and a restaurant where the waitresses don't bother with clothes. Damn, what a city! This as far as i could translate by looking at the pictures has fruit in it, which is an entire different food group I'm told. If Yoplait is French for Yum, Bouchees D'Avoine Au Miel must mean full flavored flavorsome chunks of flavor! I'm pretty sure about that so don't fucking email me about how you took French in high school, i have enough on my plate in between getting up and taking naps.

4 stars.

Good Friends

These friends on the front here are such GOOD friends. The one on the left can forgive the one on the right for talking during movies because that's how good friends roll. As far as i know the only place you can pick this up is at Whole Foods. The first time i stepped into a Whole Foods i almost cried - with joy of course! I've never seen such a community of upper middle class people getting along in cute aprons! To work here you'll need the following: Beard, sleeve, be able to drop the word 'brunch' into every sentence and have complete disdain for anything that tastes nice. If a good friend of mine came home with this i'd drop them faster than MJ dropped those painkillers.

0 stars