Lucky Charms

If you haven't tried Lucky Charms then you probably listen to 30 Seconds to Mars. You probably wear Cargo pants. You probably lined up for Sex and the City 2. Your boyfriend probably cheats on you. You probably auditioned for Big Brother. You still think Jagerbombs are hip. You sleep with Pumpkin patch dolls. Your favorite part of Dodgeball was when that Apple Mac nerd kissed that blonde whore, and not when he got hit in the balls by a wrench. You pre-order Dan Brown books. You're adopted. Those pimples are there forever. You could never understand those MAD Magazine fold ins because you can't even fold. You have pet names for everything in your life because all of your real pets hung themselves. Your grandpa fought in a World War for your freedom and this is how you repaid him?

12 stars

Fruity Pebbles

This is the less good looking sibling to Froot Loops. It's like a Haylie Duff, an Antonia Kidman or any of the Baldwin brothers. Sure you'd talk to them if you were forced at knifepoint but you'd probably be hard pressed to get them to recite your favorite lines from Lizzy McGuire, BMX Bandits or Beetlejuice.

2.5 stars

Uncle Toby's Plus

On the advertisement for Uncle Toby's plus they mention that it has the extras that YOU want, like antioxidants! Fuck that, I'll take a sheriffs badge.

0 stars.