Frosties

I'm really good at sports -  that don't involve any running. Table Tennis, Foosball, Pictionary. Flawless at all of them. You should have seen this one house i drew in Pictionary, i swear architects were coming up to me in the middle of the street and offering me internships - It was that perfect. You know what else is perfect? Frosties. Now you might think that Tony the Tiger may have quite an inflated ego being the face of such a great, well renowned product, incorrect you judgemental piece of shit. He's the Fonz of the flake. He heard i was a writer and offered to take me out for the day. We went to the park and did all sorts of things that didn't involve much exercise. Frisbee, Connect Four. He even took me on a tandem bike ride! He jumped off just as we were approaching a pack of deer though and started destroying  the mothers carcass which i found a little odd  but he made up for it by supplying dinner - Frosties! 

5 stars.

Golden Baked Cluster Crunch

I think this cereal is bipolar. It has incredible highs (the first bite) and terrifying lows (the rest of the bowl). Golden Baked is obviously code for burnt inedible chunks of excrement. It made me feel like there was a drought in my mouth. You could drink a bottle of Jameson like Jimmy McNulty from tv's The Wire, and wake up with your mouth feeling like the Sahara desert. Or you could just swallow a mouthful of this. Jimmy McNulty had sex with babes. I'd be surprised if 2's would even look at you after the foul stench seeping from your body after a spoonful of this gem. 

Jameson 4 stars

This - 0. 

I'm with the Irish on this one. They don't often get it wrong. Okay maybe u2. and that dude from the Corrs.