Cheerios

This just seems like kinda giving up on life to me. I can imagine it now. The day comes when you just can't take anymore of the harassment and agree to get married. You move in together and down come your FHM wall calendars, replaced by pictures of unicorns or whatever girls like. You come home early from work in time to watch the game but no, she's got her friends round to watch Ellen DeGeneres out-takes. Just as you think things can't get any worse your Froot Loops are replaced by Cheerios. the last little bit of color in your life, substituted by mediocrity. The love heart bowl is almost enough to make me saw off my arms. There's no putting a ring on when you have nubs for arms.

0 stars.

Bouchees D'Avoine Au Miel

I picked up this little beauty in a small supermarket in Montreal, nestled between a strip club and a restaurant where the waitresses don't bother with clothes. Damn, what a city! This as far as i could translate by looking at the pictures has fruit in it, which is an entire different food group I'm told. If Yoplait is French for Yum, Bouchees D'Avoine Au Miel must mean full flavored flavorsome chunks of flavor! I'm pretty sure about that so don't fucking email me about how you took French in high school, i have enough on my plate in between getting up and taking naps.

4 stars.

Good Friends

These friends on the front here are such GOOD friends. The one on the left can forgive the one on the right for talking during movies because that's how good friends roll. As far as i know the only place you can pick this up is at Whole Foods. The first time i stepped into a Whole Foods i almost cried - with joy of course! I've never seen such a community of upper middle class people getting along in cute aprons! To work here you'll need the following: Beard, sleeve, be able to drop the word 'brunch' into every sentence and have complete disdain for anything that tastes nice. If a good friend of mine came home with this i'd drop them faster than MJ dropped those painkillers.

0 stars

The Cereal Critic: On the Road.

After the blogs views reached double figures after 6 months i thought 'hey, why not celebrate with a trip to the land of the cereal; Serbia and Montenegro!' After i was told the USA was the home of the cereal i got on the first plane to New York (via Los Angeles, Dallas and Newark International.) You'll see i have dropped a few names in some reviews just to prove i really did go to America and am not just being hilarious from my own home. Note; i am at my home right now but at one point in time i was not. I was in the USA. 

Cocoa Krispies

I believe anything that is delicious must be nutritious on the sole basis that it rhymes. That being the case this is healthy as fuck. My only issue with this is that the bathroom took a beating like the Knicks do 4 or 5 times a week. I can't fault the product though, it's the American toilets i blame. You take a piss and it's like The Day After Tomorrow, water is going everywhere. There is no need for the water to be that high. I mean you have wifi 30,000 feet in the air and have created the perfect shoe in the Adidas Samba yet you have a toilet system that a diarrhea plagued African child that usually poops where he eats would stick his nose up at. Once you snap one off you better clean yourself up with a single ply, otherwise your apartment's gonna turn into a log cabin. Yo shit be overflowin'. 

5 stars. 

Cinnamon Toast Crunch

What the fuck does Morgan Freeman have all over his face? I'm pretty sure some of those moles or whatever flake off onto his pillow overnight and he packages them and this is the final product. 

-1 million. 

Cap' N Crunch

I love pissing off people at student hostels. I'd usually get there around 6 when the free slab of beer came out for everyone to share, i'd take a sixer up to my room and drink it whilst playing Brick on my ipod. I'd rock back downstairs around 8ish for the open mic and do a bit of improv. "hey so those mixed dorms, they're like harder to get into than a club." and "hey whose Kelly Rowlands? Oh hi Kel, I spilt some Cap' N Cruch on your passport, bunch of milk got between the pages and that so i just turfed it out, that cool?" Seriously though if it wasn't me up there you know it'd just be some guy playing Wonderwall 5 times over on his acoustic guitar. I don't even really like this cereal that much but i have a feeling old mate Horatio on the front there would turn me into a peg leg if i didn't give it;

5 stars. 

Alpha-Bits

Is this how kids used to learn the alphabet before the television started raising families? No wonder it took so long for cool stuff to be invented like the internet and that show The Real World. Shit teaches you nothing. My packet had zero vowels, i thought one time i might've seen an I but i think it was just an N that had snapped in 3. I'm pretty sure the B on the front of the pack doesn't even need glasses, he just realized A is into Of Montreal and thinks ridiculously large frames might win her over. Nice try dude but probably try some pointy shoes or i see C running away with you girl. But really how bad are that band. Moving on though breakfast time is not a time for learning, clearly why this cereal is still on the market as the only thing you'll gain from this is an A+ in frowning. 

0 stars.